i couldn't really think of a catchy title today. but my hands are really cold and i keep stopping my work to sit on them and warm them up. this library i've camped out in is seriously cold and i'm incredibly thankful for the hood on my north face.
a few days ago when i was having trouble concentrating i ventured to youtube and turned on ten hours of thunderstorm/rain to help me focus. now as i'm sitting here i don't think i'll ever go back to writing in quiet. there is just something about that rain.
you know i'm not really a moody person. i don't have these depressing times where i sit by myself and stew. whenever something off happens i pretty much always try to figure out what the Lord is trying to teach me. recently though this has turned into a bit of a fault. i live my life in a way that hurries things. that if i just hurry and learn the lesson, God will let me move on to the next part of my life. i like to fill my days full and fall into bed each night exhausted but accomplished. i think thats why this starting over thing in Tennessee has been so hard for me. there is a lot of waiting around and seeing what will happen. no matter how busy i make myself or push for things to happen, there is still time for waiting.
and i guess that is kind of the lesson God wanted me to learn this time. that he is there in the waiting. and that sometimes he just wants me to sit at his feet and be still. a friend said that to me last year and i just couldn't make it work in my head. my whole life i've been moving and in motion, trying to get things done. but God wants me to be still? it didn't fit with my way of thinking. but then i guess thats the other point, God's ways are not mine or even the ways of my parents.
and as i sit here and listen to the fake rain, i'm thankful for this time of waiting. i'm thankful for a God who wants to teach me his ways and who is patient while i flop around and figure them out. he is so good to us you guys. so very good.