Finally. I'm the same amount of years as there are letters in the alphabet.

was that the worst title ever? i don't know, i'm running out of catchy things to say about my age. the truest sign of getting old i guess...

y'all. 

25 was the year i lost myself.

maybe not in the typical sense, or maybe thats true i'm just not mourning the loss anymore. and after looking through it all, i'm realizing it wasn't really a loss at all. 

i wish girls weren't so much about themselves. i wish that a lot. my favorite ladies are the ones so wrapped up in Jesus and his work they have no time for pettiness or insecurity. these are the girls i admire and look up too. 

yet here i was living life, fitting into all the social norms of my generation. i loved coffee (borderline obsessed) donuts were my favorite food, hiking at the top of my list, anything active really. i loved giggling and running around with my nephews, running in general, travel, freedom and meeting new friends! not to mention tacos, early mornings, creativity, pizza, blogging, gluten,  mac and cheese, okay wait this is turning into a food list...

fast forward a couple months and my hair is falling out, my face is broken out, i weigh less than what i did in high school. walking gets me out of breath, i can't drink coffee or eat sugar, traveling is exhausting and so is walking one lap around walmart. littlerally everything i thought described me is gone. 

and i did cry over it. 

but you know, the further down this road i get, the more i am understanding that when i say i want my identity to be in Jesus, the more he will let that happen. 

guys, i don't know who I am any more. but more than ever in my whole life, i am understanding who HE is. and though being sick is discouraging at times, i would do it all again to know him. i really really would. 

i can't tell you i'm getting better because it seems like every time i do, i end up very sick again. but i can tell you theres beauty in sickness, God is faithful always, and two days ago i woke up totally fine for a full day. 

i turned 26 today. that seems like a real adult age to me. today i did really adult things like spend most of the day in my pajamas and took a bunch of naps. (heh.) i got the BEST gift for my birthday waking up to snow falling and no nausea! i got to take a little walk with my sister (who is also horribly sick) and though we sounded like barking seals walking down the street, it was absolutely magical! we also made soup and scones and have watched the first anne of green gables, so really, its been the best birthday ever. 

i'm making only one goal this year: to dwell in the fathers loveingkindess. (which is better than life! ps 63:3

thanks for the birthday wishes buds. i've got a feeling this year is going to be my new favorite. 

also i took a bunch of photos outside today wanna see??

(psstt!! last years birthday post here!) 

Posted on January 22, 2016 .