how on this precious green earth am i that old right now. i've been staring at my blinking cursor for a good fifteen minutes trying to sum up this past year and how i feel as i'm minutes from turning a year older.
i wish i was more excited i think? i don't love the sound of saying i'm in my late twenties. but also i'm feeling overwhelmingly thankful for the twelve months i was 26. from heartbreak to laughter to community like i've never known. there were so many firsts for me!
let me start by saying to anyone who has ever had a broken heart, oh i want to squeeze you so hard and tell you that you can't ever see the full picture when your nose is right up against the painting. but as you get further away, it all starts to make sense and so many times the beauty of what God's created will just knock you right out of your socks. this year, because of heartache i was able to take steps towards healing i'd never even thought about walking. and y'all i would take that pain over and over again just to get here.
i also need to just mention that i've never loved sundays and friday night bible studies more than this year and maybe that has something to do with the community of people i get to walk with but its mostly because Jesus calls me deeper through those days and i can truthfully tell you this is the most in love with our savior i've ever been. and i want more guys, because he promised to fill me and i'm learning that full of Jesus is the only full i want.
and so i think thats what has me stuck tonight. i'm thinking through my whole last year of living and i have no idea what i want out of the next year. 26 was one of the most up and down years for me but i loved living it. i love where i ended it, how everything turned out. you know that verse that talks about God walking with you holding you by your right hand. that is exactly what this year has been and its such a precious thought to me. i think if thats what every year felt like from here on out, i would not be mad about it.
so here's my birthday list,
- God is big and he thinks precious thoughts about us. (ps 139)
- his loving kindness is better than life. (ps 63)
- this life is not about me yet he chooses to work all things together for my good. (rom 8:28)
- he gives beauty for ashes. (is 61:3)
- when we hunger for righteousness, he promised to fill us. (matt 5:6)
and here's my thankful list,
- for a God that cares about the details and won't let me stay stuck in my brokenness.
- for countless new and old friendships and a beautiful cloud of witnesses. i am beyond blessed in the friend department.
- for every taco i consumed.
- for families in so many states to love me and let me ride their grandkids scooter thingies. (i'm looking at your Ramsey family.)
- for God closing doors so that i can only walk forward.
- for the most amazing set of Godly parents to be my biggest cheerleaders and set of best friends.
- for all the travels and places i got to see. Maine you are beautiful and my favorite. lets all take a moment to thank the Lord for Maine.
- for donuts. bless his name.
- for the most amazing clients and the beautiful weddings i was allowed to play a part in.
- for gaining more family members.
- for the ten pounds i was able to gain!
- for quinoa as it is the base of every meal i eat.
- for laughter that makes your abs hurt and tears come out your eyes.
- that even though i feel so old right now, i know that God has big plans for this little life of mine and he will never let me down, never leave me, and will love me no matter how silly i am.
here's to twenty seven, all the days i will tell people the wrong age i am, and to my mom who pushed me out and then held me all those months i was cranky. blessings abound and abound.
PS this is my twenty-seven year old face...