oof. when its a hard day its a hard day around here.
the past few days have been solely devoted to digging in and digging up my insides and results are blooming but in a sort of mangled-did-you-run-that-flower-over-with-a-wheelbarrow-kind-of-way. its hard for me to put into words these day, but all of this time is good and i know that. and i am still feeling desperate to escape it but the good news is i can’t so i’ll keep digging away at my weeds.
that reminds me. i think caleb and i are going to build a window box garden for lettuce. stay tuned to see if that happens.
they (whoever they is) predicted that this week would have to most deaths from the virus. so far they have been wrong in every prediction they have made so its a waiting game again. this whole thing is a lot of waiting and yet again, i have learned another key thing about myself: i do not love waiting.
in all of my waiting these weeks i have discovered that words are really playing a huge role in how i handle my days. we bought a little message board to put reminders up where i can see them. it currently says, “talk about your blessings more than you talk about your worries.” i am currently rereading the hiding place by corrie ten boom and i’ve taken up letter writing to my friends. also coloring the letters that i write because i found some markers. alena wrote me a lot of words that i needed to read, caleb prays a lot of words over me every night and most importantly i hear THE word being read out loud all day long. i’ve almost completely cut out social media because even though there is a lot of church going on up in there, its still showing up as damage in my soul. there are still things that make me fight comparison and there are still that are good. its just a half and half thing and thats okay but sometimes its just better to not. at least that hasn’t changed in quarantine.
this week i heard from people who are really hurting. and i told them that i was really hurting too. and that its going to get better i think.