one of the best pieces of advice i've ever been given was to not compensate my awkwardness with more awkwardness. i was told that sometimes when i'm nervous i act more weird on purpose and that stems from insecurity in the situation.
i don't often get completely called out on things and for sure the word insecurity does not ride around with me, not even in the back seat. but i guess every once in a while it hitches a ride on my bumper and we go somewhere together. (its on roller skates obviously...)
but boy did that statement ever make me think. i'm a naturally goofy person. i love to be silly and laugh but he was right. i get nervous and i over compensate by trying to make people laugh like i'm being super weird on purpose. and being nervous in front of people all comes from caring about what they think and thinking you're not good enough and then bam! i'm thinking about myself way too much and doubting that God really did make me fearfully and wonderfully.
sometimes you really should care what others think. if it involves your testimony and how they will view the Lord, you should care a lot. we carry a name as believers and its not our own. we should carry it with confidence.
here is an example of how i failed to take that advise today...
i was checking out at walmart and the cashier commented that what i was buying was making him really hungry. i told him it was making me super hungry too and he quickly told me he was off and six and asked if he could take me to dinner. okay, it sounded a little more ghetto than that... i looked up from my wallet and stared. then i laughed really loud. then i acted like i had no idea what he said. then i waited. he waited. then i said i was busy. then i dropped my card. then i collect my bags and fled.
can i just tell you that guys asking me out will get me at my worst. i never know what to say. i mostly just end up laughing and trying to make eye contact with near by trees. but today as i was hauling, err, walking away from walmart i remembered that advice and i told the man who told me that, that i would get it next time...i said that out loud...
the cart boy eyed with concern.
okay okay, next time after that.